the rain outside tapped gently against the windows, steady and soft, the kind of weather that made your bed feel like a cocoon. you were curled up under the sheets, heating pad pressed low against your stomach with billies hoodie drowning your frame. the cramps were relentless, deep and dull, with occasional sharp jabs that made you flinch

billie was somewhere in the kitchen earlier, stomping around a bit more than necessary. cabinets opened and slammed and silverware clattered like she was mad at it. you had asked her if everything was okay. she just muttered 'fine' and kept moving. you knew her well enough to know that meant not fine

eventually she came into the room, lingering in the doorway for a beat before crossing the room and slipping in beside you

she was behind you, warm and quiet. one arm was draped lazily across your waist, her hand resting on the band of your shorts. you felt her sigh against the back of your neck

"you know i love you right?" she murmured, lips brushing the shell of your ear "like actually losing my mind love you"

you smiled faintly, letting her pull you closer "i know" you whispered, voice a little hoarse "i love you too"

there was a pause then she kissed your shoulder again, a little slower this time like she was waiting for something. her hand went beneath your shirt, just resting flat on your stomach now. you felt her exhale again like she was thinking too hard

"youve been weird lately" you said softly

she chuckled but it was almost bitter "youve been weird first"

you turned slightly, enough to see her face. her eyes looked tired with shadows under them that hadnt been there last week "whats going on with you?"

she hesitated and bit the inside of her cheek "i dont wanna sound like a dick. i know youre not feeling great and im not tryna be selfish-"

"billie" you cut in gently "just say it"

her gaze dropped to the sheets between you "its been almost a month" she said quietly "since weve, yknow had sex.. since ive even touched you like that"

you blinked then gave a tired sigh "oh"

"im not mad. just-" her hand slid up your stomach and under your ribs "i miss you. that part of us. i dont even mean the sex itself. i mean the way you get all needy when im in your mouth, or how you pull my hair, or even just hearing the way you sound when im in you" she was whispering now, voice low and gravelly "i know your body. i know every part of it and i havent been allowed to even get near it for weeks. its killing me"

you softened, pressing your forehead to hers "baby.. i cant tonight. im bleeding a lot. first two days are brutal"

she nodded immediately "i figured. i felt the heating pad when i got in bed"

you reached up, brushing your fingers through her bangs "but that doesnt mean i dont want you. its not about you. i just feel like a stabbed bag of soup right now"

she let out a laugh and leaned into your touch "stabbed bag of soup. thats disgusting"

"its accurate"

she kissed you again, slow and warm, her tongue just barely teasing against yours before she pulled away "youre still not when youre suffering you know that?"

you rolled your eyes "i love how romantic you are"

"im dead serious. you could be half dead and id still wanna devour you"

you groaned playfully and curled back into her chest "youre insatiable"

her hands stayed respectful and tucked under your shirt but unmoving. she kissed your temple then your jaw "okay. three more days. ill wait."

you turned in her arms, nose brushing against hers "you could also just take what you need. i mean not sex but i could take care of you"

her eyes flicked to yours, surprised "are you serious?"

you nodded slowly "we take care of each other. even when one of us feels like shit"

her mouth parted a little, caught between hunger and hesitation "only if you really mean it"

you leaned in and kissed her collarbone "i do"