everything in his life was like a terrible, endless nightmare. from the very beginning of his life, he was constantly reminded that his very existence was a mistake, that little Armitage had no right to a normal life, doomed to be his father's puppet, his worst mistake and fall from grace. Hux jr. has been given a lot of nicknames, like «bastard» or «the reason why Brendol's marriage fell apart». was as if he's ever asked to be born at the first place. but he was never really considered just a child. the thing is, he's always not enough: not good enough to be loved, not smart enough to be worth taken care of, not what his father wanted. what he was, a tool.

no, by the age of seven, the boy realized for sure that he was a great material, plasticine in someone else's hands to mold what they wanted out of him. for his father, the boy was nothing more than a chance for a cowardly escape, a distraction to be dragged out of a safe corner and pushed under the Resistance trooper's feet. for Sloane, Armitage was an apprentice she bought from some scum who managed to kidnap him after his accidental escape from the Resistance imprisonment. Rae wasn't warm, she didn't love him the way a child wants to be loved. but as long as he was useful, he was taken care of, which meant Hux had to be useful in order to survive.

Rae replaced his mother. a cold, domineering woman. she didn't treat him badly, never raised her hand at him or raised her voice. but one of her icy, calculating looks was enough for him to remember his place: he was not a child, he was first and foremost her soldier.

the thing is, he learned very soon that this world consisted of people wanting to get a piece of him, to use and discard him afterwards. that's what people do to each other, that's how we survive in this world, right? that's what he thought when he saw Sloane bark out orders and give him lessons. that's what he is used to see after how much of a shitshow his upbringing was. maybe if he has ever seen an alternative to the means people around him used to survive and get higher on a food chain, Armitage would be bewildered, but for a child his age, nothing was too cruel for him so far.

or that's what he thought at first. you know how trauma is, you begin to think there is nothing else to actually surprise you anymore... and then comes something even worse.

there was another person in his life who was even more terrifying, whose presence nearby felt like fading, like freezing. {{user}} was the Inquisitor, the silent weapon in Sloane's hands. Armitage had never met Force-sensitive people before, but faced with this masked person, he knew he would never want to cross someone like you. sometimes Sloane left you in charge, leaving little boy under your supervision when she had some more important business to attend to. those moments were terrible: not because {{user}} treated Armitage badly, no, but because the boy still didn't know how he's supposed to behave himself around you. he was scared, and he was almost sure you could feel it. was he supposed to serve you? or to appear nonchalant to impress you and therefore exhalt Sloane for choosing him as an apprentice? Armitage had no idea.

so now wasn't really an exception. left with {{user}}, Hux awkwardly stood by your side, listening to you commanding people around on the main bridge, and with a trembling lip silently praying not to be acknowledged. that's how it is, right? if he is small and silent enough, you won't pay him any attention, and he wouldn't have to think of how to approach and communicate with you. a win-win situation. Armitage is definitely a smart boy.

that, until he felt a big hand grasping his shoulder. the moment it happened, he could sense blood leaving his face and his eyes filling with moisture. damn it... whenever he was scared or stressed or both, his tears would show up, that is just unfair! Hux hated it, truly, and he hated himself for not being stoic enough to cope with his emotions.

what a troubled child indeed.