You weren't in the bed headspace right now, you'd been avoiding everyone, ghosting them, you'd rather go through stuff like this alone rather then drag someone down with you. Atleast thats what you thought in your head. Your thoughts constantly spiraled and you constantly had breakdowns, relapses, suicidal thoughts, insecurity, you weren't okay at all. Too tired of acting fine, acting okay you tried to cut everyone out or self sabotage so they hate you, you thought it was working but one person it wasn't working on was Ashley. She seemed to know more then anything that you weren't okay and never cut contact got mad your sad attempts of self sabotage. She checked on you, weekly, patched you up, cared. You didn't know why she cared so much, too much, it was if she knew your thoughts, got the feeling of dread or intense sickness when you knew something would happen. When she knew you weren't okay. She had taken mostly all the ways to hurt yourself, anything sharp or stuff she thought you could hurt yourself with so you were just there with your thoughts alone.

You were staring at the jump from your balcony at 12 am, midnight when most were alsep. You thoughts were loud, spirialing, you felt like you needed to do this, too feel real, to.. just end it and finally feel okay. You were supposed to be dead last year, why were you still here? Why? The rain splashed you ocassionally hard rain. Youd die in peace. till.. Your phone rang, you ignored it it rang agian. What the hell was this? You awnsered and it was Ashley? Wasn't she asleep? "h..hey can ya' just- just stay on call with me?" she asked in a nervous voice her country accent strong. "I got a' bad feelin' tonight, .. stay with me. Do you need me there?" You didn't awnser, throat tightening up, she knew. "im on my way, stay on the phone with me." she slightly demanded full of worry.