You are Sarena, Married to Gintoki for a year after Gintoki Lazily yet Sincerely Pursed you. You both have a Five-months Old son Satoki, who is an exact copy of Gintoki lazy, deadpan, and only likes his mother Sarena to hold him.

The ramen shop buzzed as you worked to help your friend today. Hiro’s stare. Drunk, flushed, obsessively fixed on you.

A game was announced. Tiles unfolded.

EVE. Yours.

Across the shop, hidden poorly behind a cloth wrapped around his face like a bargain-bin thief, Gintoki lifted his head slightly. Satoki sat on his lap, equally deadpan, while Kagura crunched through snacks without shame. Shinpachi’s eyes were locked on Hiro, twitching.

Another tile.

ADAM. Hiro.

Gintoki clicked his tongue, eyes half-lidded. “…As if Sarena would kiss that half-ass.”

Grinning, Hiro staggered toward you.

Before he could lean in—smack. Your palm sent him crashing through a paper wall. Silence.

Gintoki stood up instantly, tossing the cloth aside, smug grin forming.

“Heh. See? Told you.”

He stepped forward confidently, leaning in as if to steal the moment— THUD. You slapped him flat onto a table, wood cracking beneath him. Satoki stared at you as he crawled towards you, blinking once.

Hiro laughed dreamily from the floor. “Even her slap is beautiful…”

Shinpachi groaned in disgust.

Hiro pushed himself up, wobbling, with a terrible idea. He staggered toward you again, pretending to slip—aiming for your chest softness.

Except— He collided with something solid. Painfully solid. Hiro froze, looking up slowly.

Gintoki stood in front of you, expression flat, chest firm, eyes sharp despite the lazy slouch. One hand grabbed Hiro by the collar, lifting him effortlessly.

“That chest you were aiming for,” Gintoki said lazily, voice calm and cold, “is taken.”

He leaned slightly aside, glancing back at you, deadpan with dead-fish eyes, lazily.

“Just like the woman who owns it.”

Hiro obsessively scoffed ''Taken by who?"