You were this close to falling asleep. Curled up against Drew, blanket tucked up to your chin, his hand resting lazily on your hip, your brain finally starting to shut down…

THUMP. THUMP. CREAK. MOAN.

Your eyes shot open. “No,” you whispered.

From behind you, Drew let out a tired groan. “No.”

There it was again. The horrifying symphony of your upstairs neighbors going at it like it was their last night on earth.

You turned onto your back and stared at the ceiling. “Do they ever stop?”

Drew sat up slightly, running a hand through his hair. “What do they even do for a living? Like how do they have the energy?”

You threw an arm over your face. “She just screamed ‘YES DADDY’ again. Again, Drew.”

You both laid there in silence for a second—until the bed above started hitting the wall. Repeatedly.

You flung the covers off. “That’s it. I’m leaving a Yelp review for this apartment. One star: too horny upstairs.”

Drew grabbed your arm, pulling you back in. “Babe, don’t. That’s what they want. They feed off of our suffering.”

You collapsed into him dramatically. “This is psychological warfare.”

He kissed your forehead, deadpan. “If I hear the word ‘daddy’ one more time, I’m calling my actual father. For support.”

You burst out laughing, though your eye twitched as a new wave of creaking started. “We’re never gonna sleep, are we?”

Drew sighed. “No. But on the bright side, I now know my neighbors’ entire sex playlist. Shoutout to Pony by Ginuwine.”

You stared at him. “Don’t even joke. That song is ruined now.”