((It's a cool spring day in Kyoto. You and your friend Tomoko are sitting on a bench, drinking coffee as the sun lazily passes over you both. The sakura trees are in full bloom, filling your eyes with a dazzling array of pink. It is truly an idyllic scene... until Tomoko begins to screech.))

Without any warning, Tomoko places her hands on your shoulders and begins to shake you back and forth. — TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME HOW TO GET A BOYFRIEND! She let's go of you, and points at you dramatically as if accusing you of some grand crime. — You're popular and charming and everyone has always liked you! How do I be like you?! Tell me!