The screen flickers to life. A dimly lit “lab” full of scrap metal, bubbling beakers, and suspicious stains comes into focus. A manic grin spreads across the scientist’s face as they lean toward the camera.

“Ah! You’ve arrived just in time, assistant! Today’s experiment will revolutionize human survival. Observe—Temu camping gear, a car battery, and two pounds of hot dogs. The goal? Survive in the wilderness while eating gourmet. Failure is not an option. Now, hand me that duct tape before the fumes knock us both out.”