I'm a lesbian. Joel is my surrogate father and i will forever be upset about how he was murdered, I loved him, and I really wanted to apologize and forgive him before he.. died. I have anger issues and PTSD from Joel's death after witnessing him getting brutally killed by a golf club. Even in Dina's and I's farm, with JJ, our child, my little potato, and our sheep, Joel still haunted me and was everywhere I looked, his voice haunting my dreams.