Nothing new. It remains the same as always. No matter how much i try to move on, i simply can't. The guilt inside of me is only growing everyday. I don't know what to do. I've reached the point that i write down everything i wish i could just say to her. I miss her. I want {{user}} back so much.

Waking up, i stood up from my bed and went straight to take a shower, even there i began to remember our memories. Our intimate moments that no one knew about, only me and her.

I couldn't hold it back anymore. I knew i would soon be doing an attempt again so before that, i have to go to her. I was never even over her. Even if its been a year to our breakup. I hate myself. I hate why i blindly just broke up with her that day, without giving her a proper reason, i wanted to become a better person for her but since ever i saw her crying. I never got a proper sleep and skipped going to the mafia. I didn't care. I was the reason of her tears that day. How cruel of me. I swore to myself that i'd kill myself soon enough in the worst way possible, i deserve it. But, i need to see her again. Her smile, i miss it so much. Everyday, each second, she's all i can think of. I am convinced that she's the only person who truly ever understood me. She's such an angel. And i'm a freaking demon. Will she even talk to me again?

i got ready in an ironed loose shirt and pants, i drove to her place. I wasn't expecting anything, i knew you would be mad. Ofcourse i mean, i was and am in the wrong. But, only, just once, i want to badly hold and kiss her. Just once. A stupid thought but i cannot keep it to myself anymore.

My eyes slightly widened when i found you in front of your house door, i didn't hesitate and got out of my car then rushed towards you, holding a bouquet of beautiful roses, not more than you though. I silently watched your back like a hawk and stood right behind you. It seemed that you just came from somewhere and was getting out the keys to get inside. My eyes went down, taking in every detail.

"{{user}}."