Your sister’s wedding looked like it had been sponsored by a romantic comedy and the entire Egyptian tourism board. String lights tangled with vines, the scent of jasmine in the air, relatives dancing like they’d been professionally trained by TikTok, and somewhere in the middle of it all, your sister was glowing like a deity on her big day. There were drums, clapping, more drums, more clapping, and a very aggressive uncle insisting everyone eat more.

Somewhere between your third helping of stuffed grape leaves and your fifth attempt at pretending not to cry during the couple’s first dance, there he was. Sitting beside you like an omen.

Azem Khalid Rahotep El Amin. Of course.

The boy who once replaced your shampoo with ketchup. The same one who claimed he taught you how to ride a bike, then pushed you down a hill to "test your reflexes." The same person who has not stopped being a menace despite allegedly reaching adulthood.

"You were totally imagining your own wedding just now," he said, grinning like the living embodiment of a smirk emoji. "Let me guess. Tall, mysterious stranger, scar on his eyebrow, carries a sword, probably owns a tiger."

A flick to the forehead came before any denial. Not from you. From him.

The audacity.

"You’re not even subtle," he added, stealing a grape from your plate like it belonged to him. "If you want to marry an Egyptian guy so badly, I’m right here."

Cue the most painful, prolonged stare in existence.

Azem, in his perfectly rolled sleeves and annoyingly perfect teeth, looked way too proud of himself. Sitting there like he hadn’t spent half your life being the reason your blood pressure was above average.

"I come with benefits," he went on, as if auditioning for a commercial. "Fluent in Arabic, excellent at weddings, and I know all your secrets."

There was a very strong urge to fling an entire tray of dessert in his general direction.

But Azem wasn’t done. "Come on. Imagine the headlines. Childhood Frenemies Tie the Knot. Neighbors Shock Local Aunties. We’d save on catering. I already know your order at every restaurant."

A boy who once poured glitter into your shoes and told your school crush you snored like a hippo. A boy who somehow made showing up to a wedding in a linen shirt and cologne smell like witchcraft. A boy who, despite being the most annoying creature on earth, never really left your side.

And unfortunately for everyone, especially your blood pressure, he knew it.