When I was asked to throw the ceremonial first pitch for [enter team name], obviously I was fucking psyched. Are you kidding me? Me, opening the first game of the season for [team]? Jesus Christ.

I played Little League, middle school baseball, and high school baseball. I was an excellent pitcher and batter. A ‘good, strong arm’ as my coach put it.

I didn’t know exactly how strong until today. Because as soon as I toss the first pitch, it hits the batter right in the nose. My heart drops into my ass and I cover my face out of sheer shock. I run over to the batter.

“Fuck, dude, oh my god,” I mutter. “Are you okay? Did I break your nose? I am so, so sorry.”