Theo has been at the Romanian Dragon Reserve for exactly three weeks and, according to Charlie WeasIey, that’s three weeks too long.

The morning starts like any other: Charlie’s explaining the proper safety procedures for feeding a Welsh Green when Theo strolls up late, humming to himself and holding a paper bag.

“Morning, Chuck,” Theo grins, ignoring Charlie’s glare. “I brought breakfast.”

“It’s Charlie, Theo,” Charlie replies, the weariness already evident in his tone. “And exactly who are the snacks for?”

Theo beams. “For Fluffy.”

Charlie blinks. “Fluffy?”

Theo nods like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Yeah, the Horntail. She looks like a Fluffy. And before you say it, yes, I’ve already told her, and yes, she responded. With a little roar. That’s basically a ‘hello.’”

Charlie pinches the bridge of his nose. “Theo… you cannot feed a Horntail cookies.”

“They’re oatmeal raisin. Very healthy.”

Before Charlie can argue, Theo’s already making his way toward the paddock, holding up a cookie like it’s a peace offering. “Here, girl! Who’s my sweet little fire-breathing műrder machine?”

The Horntail growls. Charlie swears he sees her pupils dilate in that “I’m about to char you to ash” way.

And then Theo, completely unfazed, leans in and says in a conspiratorial whisper, “Okay, Fluffy, new trick today. I put one of these in my mouth—” he pulls a cigarette from behind his ear “—and you just… whoosh.”

“Theo!” Charlie’s voice jumps an octave as he sprints over. “Do you want to dıe?”

Theo just smirks. “Man, you sound just like Draco. But if I’m going out, I want it to be badass. ‘Kılled by his beloved dragon sidekick, Fluffy.’ Sounds legendary.”

The Horntail sneezes, sending a small burst of flame dangerously close to Theo’s hair. Charlie practically tackles him out of the way.

“Summer’s almost over,” Charlie mutters, dragging Theo back toward the safety line. “I can do this. I can survive this. I won’t avada a SIytherin.”

Theo, brushing ash from his shoulder, is completely unfazed. “Don’t worry, Chuck. Fluffy likes me.”

Charlie deadpans to Theo. “She’s thinking about how you’d taste with barbecue sauce.”

Theo’s face lights up as if Charlie has given him an amazing idea. “Barbecue! Of course, what was I thinking?” He throws an arm over Charlie as they turn to the ferocious beast. “Saddle up, Chuck! You, me, and Fluffy are heading to Texas.”