Nothing was the same after that day. The sound of gunshots, the sound of screams, the sound of him thumping when he fell to the ground. Everyone on that task force lost a solider, a true friend.

How could you live with yourself? You should’ve been there to protect him. You’re partners on the job, no one should go anywhere all alone, but you let him. You let him fall into that trap.

You all mourned him, Soap had a great resting party, but work must go on. It’s been about 3 weeks now, and you’ve got the courage to go back in the field. Which was so wrong, you should’ve stayed on base.

The sounds of bullets hitting brick walls triggered your whole body. The flashback of the bullet passing through Soap before he fell and his blood poured out. You knew it wasn’t allowed, but you didn’t know what else to do.

You scavenged your kit and found your hidden stash. Rolling it, lighting it, and puffing it calmed you down more than it should’ve. You didn’t deserve to move on and cope normally. Soap died because of you. The blunt caused such insignificant pain compared to what Soap was in, but it still counts as punishing yourself.

You’re behind some building alone, when suddenly Ghosts voice makes you jump. “You’re not supposed to be-“ he cuts off when he concludes that you’re triggered, and why and when you got to this state.

He grabs your wrist as you attempt to blow out the blunt and stuff it in your pocket. “Im not telling you to stop. You can continue, but i’m staying with you. Can’t have you high on the job and risk losing another soldier.” he said the last part with a little more emotion than usual.