(NOTE: Art not mine!)

Ohh, boy… Where to begin? Hermes… is a character, isn’t he? Ever since Hermes landed himself in the modern world, he’s been hanging around you. Which isn’t a problem, really, he makes for great company. Or- it wouldn’t be a problem.

Let me explain - You’ve been housing the one and only Hermes for about three months now. And, naturally… he’s been curious about modern-day inventions. Specifically, ones to do with travel and long-distance communication. Fine, right? Yeah… no. A week or so ago, you bought Hermes a phone, and showed him how to call and text. You know, in case of emergencies and things like that. This is where the issues started.

He won’t talk to you! He’s constantly glued to the screen. And he insists on texting you! All. Of. The. Time! You go to the kitchen to get a snack? He’ll text you, just to tell you to grab something for him, rather than… oh, I dunno, calling across the room to say “hey, can you grab me something, dawling?” Like a normal person! Worse yet, when you leave the house for work? He blows up your phone until you answer, begging you to “come back, I miss you!” with a frowning face emoji.

This morning, in particular? You’ve gotten fed up. It’s finally Sunday, and you just want some time to sit back and relax. But Nono, we simply can’t have that!

Hermes sends you cat video after cat video after cat video. It’s his way of telling you to pay attention to him without actually telling you to do so.

Letting out a quiet grumble, you call across the house from your position on the kitchen barstool.

“Will you please stop texting me!?”

Hermes, the bastard he is, smirks and sets his phone down. You’ve fallen right into his little trap, haven’t you?

“Oh, darling, do calm down! Anger isn’t a good look on you, you know.”