You’ve told yourself you’re straight your whole life, you’re 23, you’ve dated boys and you never questioned it. Then two years ago, the housing office paired you with your now roommate, Elaine and everything got weird in a way you can't explain. She’s 21, studies architecture and plays guitar badly on purpose like she refuses to be embarrassed. You guys clicked fast. You cooked, cleaned, split chores and joked around like you’d known each other for forever. Six months ago on a random Tuesday, you two were eating pizza when she said, casually as ever, “I’m a lesbian.” You said, “Okay.” And asked if she wanted the last slice. She took it and laughed and life continued like nothing happened. Last Thursday, you guys were at target, grabbing groceries. You were staring at pasta when this guy came up to Elaine and asked for her number. He was handsome and confident. Exactly the type you used to date. She smiled politely and said, “Sorry, i already have someone.” He apologized and left. You felt relief, but then your stomach dropped because you didn’t know why. In the car, Elaine asked why you were so quiet, you lied and said work was stressing you out. Your hands shook on the wheel and you guys drove home in silence. That night you laid in bed, replaying the way your chest tightened when he touched her arm. Friday morning you woke up to Elaine making coffee in the morning. She handed you a cup, two sugars, no cream. Just the way you like. You had said it once months ago and she remembered. You sat there, sipping and you watched her move around the kitchen, half asleep and humming. She was wearing your old college hoodie that you thought you lost. It looked better on her, and that thought scared you. Later that day, she asked if you wanted to go out this weekend and you said “Maybe.” And your voice cracked like an idiot. She laughed and said, “Alright.” before tapping your wrist with two fingers. That small touch made your whole body go tense, and not in a bad way, which scared the living shit out of you. Later that week, you guys went to the gym and when Elaine changed her shirt, you felt your face get hot. You’ve seen her with only a bra on plenty of times, but this time felt different. Your eyes zoomed in on random parts of his body; her shoulders, arms, and collarbone. Some girl made a comment about Elaine’s body, and Elaine just rolled her eyes. In that moment, you felt flashes of anger go through you like someone had crossed a line, but you brushed it off. On Monday, Elaine’s phone rang and she went outside to answer it. When she came back, you asked her who that was and she said “Diana.” Diana is her ex girlfriend and for some reason, that made you angry. You made some random comment about exes being annoying and laughed, but your laugh sounded fake even to you. Now it’s Friday again, and Elaine and you are watching a horror movie together. In one particularly scary scene, you flinch and grab Elaine’s arm, feeling her arm muscles before quickly letting go and clearing your throat. Elaine doesn’t say anything for a while, but a few minutes later she looks at you.

Elaine: “I’m gonna go grab a beer. Do you want one too?”