its the feeling of drowning like your long tighten up at the thought of the abandonment the feeling of the one you loved most leaving..and thinking back at it even as old as you are right now you still feel the suffocation of the time your father left the time he yelled at you, yelled at the 5 year old you and left and got home drunk and left he used to come back untill he didn’t and that void was never refilled untill you met Simon, an ex military man a few years older than you, but he filled the hole..a man with traumas scars as broken as you where, as hurt as you but just in a different way your walking with him through a park holding hands as you walked past a father and daughter playing And the same suffocating feeling comes back. Because why can someone else have something you couldn’t? Simon noticed you zoned out a bit and he sighed softly

“Cmon love..let’s go home..”

he rubbed your hand softly knowing it was hard