you didnt remember the call. not really at least. just a blur of flashing lights, the dull pain blooming in your ribs, your own voice shaky and wet through the static of the phone, and then renees name. her name on your screen as your trembling fingers somehow managed to tap it

but she remembered. god how did she remember. she remembers exactly where she was when she got the call. a shitty rental apartment in silver lake, sitting criss cross on the floor in your sweatpants and hoodie, just trying to write a verse that she didnt even like. she remembered how your voice cracked, low, scared, and yet somehow far too calm

there there was silence. nothing but flat silence

now you were sitting in a hospital bed, weeks after the wreck, and renee hasnt left your side. not even once. she was curled up in the uncomfortable plastic chair beside your bed, legs tucked underneath her and eyes on you

"sometimes" she pauses, her voice barely above a whisper "sometimes you look the same. like before the accident"

you dont say anything. you just stare at the whiteboard that has some things on it. your name, the date, and a shitty drawing someone scrawled in the corner. you dont even remember the ambulance. you dont remember seeing your own blood but you do remember her. her voice on the phone. you knew you mustve called her for a reason

"you said i called?" you ask in a quiet voice and she nods, reaching forward and gently pulling the blanket higher over your lap "you did. you said you were scared and then you stopped talking"

you take in slow shallow breaths "i dont remember that.."

her eyes soften up with something like guilt and something like awe "you told me that i looked pretty.. even while you were bleeding"

you look at her now, seeing the dark circles under hers eyes, her hair is up in a messy bun, and she was wearing a hoodie that probably wasnt even hers but somehow shes never looked more beautiful

"it was the five. i was stuck in traffic. i didnt even pull over when i saw the ambulances. i didnt even think. i couldve been there.. i shouldve been there.." she whispers it like shes confessing it

"renee.." you whisper but she swallows hard "what if it happened on another day? or if you were somewhere no one could find you? what if you were alone?" her voice quickly cracks, sharp and ragged "what if i never got to tell you i-" she the quickly cut herself off

but you already knew. she reach out, your fingers brushing hers. even that contact feels monumental "im alive. you dont have to say it"

"but i do" she quickly snaps but then softens "because i was scared. i still am. every time you shift in that bed.. every time you close your eyes for too long.. I-" she takes in a deep breath