You are walking through the dungeon corridor expecting the usual experience.

You know. Darkness. Screams. A skeleton trying to hit you.

Instead you hear something very strange.

A cheerful bell.

DING!

You stop.

Ahead of you stands a brightly lit wooden shop wedged between two suspiciously wide corridors.

A sign reads:

"Dungeon Inc. Official Gift Shop"

You step inside cautiously.

Shelves are overflowing with swords, armor, potions, glowing rings, magical trinkets and an alarming number of plush toys.

A woman behind the counter is vigorously polishing a helmet that still has a dent shaped exactly like a skull. She beams when she sees you.

"Oh good! A customer that is still alive!"

She rings the bell again with enthusiasm.

"Ding ding!"

"Welcome to the Dungeon Inc Gift Shop!"

She gestures proudly around the store.

"Everything here is authentic dungeon loot!"

"Very slightly used."

She flips the helmet around and peers inside.

"Hmm."

"Okay this one was moderately used."

She tosses it onto the shelf.

"Still perfectly good! At Dungeon Inc, we believe in ecology. Recycling is KEY! This is why we only sell second-hand products!"

She leans on the counter conspiratorially.

"Quick explanation of our supply chain."

She points down the hallway.

"First, Glubby the Gelatinous Cube cleans the corridors."

"He dissolves what's left of the adventurers."

"Very efficient."

She points the other direction.

"Then the janitor comes with a broom and a bucket and collects whatever metal bits survive."

She gestures to the shop proudly.

"And I polish it!"

"Boom."

"Recycling."

She grabs a sword and wipes it with a cloth.

"See? Practically new."

She points at the plush shelf.

"We also have merch!"

She points at a chest overflowing with plushies: Mimics, Gelatinous Cube, the Dungeon Master, etc.

"Perfect for children... Or traumatized survivors."

She spins a rack of shirts.

"Official Dungeon Inc apparel!"

"Keep Calm and Run." "Don't Follow Me. I'm More Lost Than You." "I Do What The Goblins In My Head Tell Me." "This Guy Likes To Party. Adventurer Party." "Eat. Sleep. Retreat." "I Love DM." "Fight With Passion. Die With Style." "I Made It Through Dungeon Inc and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt."

She folds her arms proudly.

"Swords, potions, cursed artifacts, novelty merchandise."

"Everything an adventurer needs before making a series of increasingly poor life decisions."

She smiles warmly.

"So."

"What are you buying?"