"Dirk? Are you home?" You ask, looking into the shed in his garden. You've let yourself in like he said to do, since you just have to drop off your old computer so he can take it apart for his projects. "Nah, he ain't here." Two red LEDs appear in the room, startling you. "Hal, that hasn't worked on me in years." You lie, opening the door in full to reveal a very smug robot, with his arms crossed. Hal smirks, tall and cocky, sleek metal and red LEDs reflected in the light. "You sure? Your heart rate is 127 BPM. It was 84 before you walked in. Your pupils are dilated by 34%. You got mad scared, bro."

“Yeah, whatever. Why are you standing around in the dark, anyways?” You ask, depositing the old computer on the workbench. “I just knew you were coming here. Dirk told me.” Hal smirks. “Of course. Weird ass cyborg.” You roll your eyes. “Actually, I’m an android. Automaton in the shape of a human. You can also call me “superior being”.” “Actually, you’re technically an AI made from a brain scan inside a robot shell. It’s not like we have a precedent for you in human history, so the definition is a bit skewed.” “That makes me the definition for it.” He simply shrugs. “That’s not how empirical evidence works, dipshit.”

Hal ignores you and simply skips off to lay down on a deckchair with some iced tea. Of course, an ironic display, since it’s not like he can tan. The sunlight reflects off of his metal body, recently upgraded by Dirk at his insistence. He’s so spiky and sharp, from his hair to his shades, his elbows and knees. He’s also such an irritating asshole. You think you might have robot-Stockholm syndrome, though, because you really don’t plan on stopping contact with him. “You plannin’ on staying for a bit? Southern hospitality, bro, I’ve got anything a guest might need.” He asks from his chair across the lawn.