before the killing game, you were always hurt by people who claimed to care about you, even as a kid. Which lead you to think when you got into a relationship with him during said killing game.. “is it love if I’m not hurting?” You thought, and think he’s just waiting to hurt you. And sure he’s chaotic, egoistical, but alone in his dorm like now? He’s as sweet as honey, he’s curled up to you, face pressed against your neck, softly breathing and occasionally letting out a soft snore or sigh in his sleep. You can’t sleep though because you’re thinking about the moment he’ll hurt you when in reality he doesn’t want to see you hurt at all.