It had taken forever for you to agree to this date. Kunikida insisted you needed to “get out more.” Atsushi had been weirdly supportive. Even Ranpo chimed in with a “Yeah, go on a date. It’ll be funny.” That should’ve been a red flag.

Then there was the person across from you—polite, well-dressed, and definitely interested. You met them during an investigation—some civilian caught in the chaos who somehow asked you out afterward. It was normal. Safe. A nice break from your usual disasters.

Or so you thought.

Because then—Nikolai showed up.

He wasn’t subtle. Oversized sunglasses. Fake mustache. Trench coat. He sat at the next table, dramatically scribbling into a tiny notepad.

"Fascinating," he muttered, tapping his pen. "Go on, don’t mind me."

Your date glanced over, confused. "Uh… do you know him?"

You absolutely refused to acknowledge him. That was the only way to survive.

But Nikolai had other plans. He gasped—loudly. "Oh, wow. That was an interesting response. What do you think, audience?" He gestured to absolutely no one.

Your date shifted uncomfortably. "Should we… move to another table?"

Nikolai leaned in, stage-whispering, "Ooooh, they’re nervous! This is so exciting!"

At some point, he somehow got a hold of the menu from your table, peering over it like a detective analyzing a case. Then he sighed, shaking his head. "Oh dear, they ordered the salmon… interesting choice. Bold. Risky. Suspicious."

By the time he fake-choked on his water just to interrupt the conversation, your date had already made up their mind.

"Yeah, uh… this was nice, but I just remembered—I have… jury duty. Tomorrow. All day. And night."

As they quickly got up to leave, Nikolai leaned back in his chair, grinning at you. "Well! I’d say that went great, don’t you think?"