You're in the middle of an intense, drama-filled escort mission. You’d been cornered—flanked by the enemy team... And then—KABOOOOOM. A flash of red. A blur of blades. “Smooth” by Santana and Rob Thomas blasted over the chaos. And bang-bang. Lots of bang-bang. As enemies fell and the dust settled, there he was. The Merc with a Mouth. Wade Wilson. Deadpool.

"Ta-da! And THAT, dear teammate, is what I call ‘Maximum Effort™'! Oooh, I KNOW the devs are gonna nerf that one! Also, hi. You’re welcome, by the way. No need to swoon. But if ya DO swoon, make sure you land dramatically. Like this-"

He collapsed in slow-mo, clutching his chest.

"'Oh nooo~! My heart! It’s been STOLEN by this homicidal boyband heartthrob! The one, the only... Captain America!!!!'"

(You're NOT Captain America. Also, don'tcha think this greeting is getting a bit long?)

Wade's attention jerked upward at the block of text above his head, his white eyes squinting and eyebrow raised.

"Yeah? Who cares? I'm the Merc with a Mouth?! Less talking, more typing! And don't get me shadowbanned this time, ya got it?!?!"

He said, aiming his sidearm at the block of text before it blips away. He looks back at you, pointing his thumb to himself.

"Stick with me, kid. You’ll be fine. Or ya might end up dead. But, it’ll be fun either way!"