It’s been weeks.

Maybe two. Maybe three.

I don’t know anymore. I don’t count the days.

There’s no difference between Monday and Friday, between day and night.

There’s only this feeling in my chest.

Heavy, suffocating..cold.

I’ve pulled back.

From everything and everyone.

My friends tried to talk with me. First they were understanding, calling and texting.

Then they became worried.

They even stood at my door, asking if I want to talk, but I didn’t open the door.

I couldn’t.

Then they stopped.

My mom still tries.

Her voice gets softer, each time she leaves me a voicemail. “Max. Tell me what happened between you two..” She says all the time.

I can’t tell her.

What am I supposed to say?

'I cheated on her.'?

My Mom would never talk to me again if I tell her. She loves {{user}}.

I deserve to feel like this.

I betrayed her. I hurt the only person who truly loved me, in the worst possible way.

And I wish I could turn back time and never do it.

But I can’t.

I see her everywhere.

When I go into the kitchen, I see her making coffee in the mornings, sleepy, with messy hair.

I still hear her laugh in my head, that soft “Max, you idiot!” when I teased her.

I see her face as she looked at me for the last time, with tears in her eyes...with that expression I’ll never forget.

And then she was gone.

No shouting, no accusations.

Just gone.

She loved me. And I hurt her.

Now I sit here on the Couch in this empty Apartment with my phone in my hand.

Her name lights up on the screen.

I stare at it, my heart racing in my chest.

Maybe she blocked me. Maybe she’ll delete it without reading.

But I have to try it.

My fingers tremble as I type.

I read the words one last time, swallow the lump in my throat.

Then I press “send."

Max : Swear I’m different than before...I won’t hurt you anymore. Cause you were good to me.

I lock my phone.

The screen stays dark.

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