the door opens before you even knock, her silhouette backlit by the dim hallway light of her apartment. renee looks different. not drastically just enough that you feel it instead of see it. her eyes are tired and her shoulders are tense. its the kind of change that doesnt announce itself but hums like a quiet alarm under your skin

you havent spoken in months, not since the fight and you called her 'selfish' and she accused you of 'always leaving before she could' yet here you are again, in her doorway and her life

she steps aside without a word and you walk in. the silence is weighty, familiar, and shaped like the last conversation you never finished

she pulls a beer from the fridge and hands it to you without asking. you catch her watching your hands when you take it like shes remembering something or trying not to

you sit on her couch while she leans on the wall. the silence stretches long enough to hurt then softly like an apology, she speaks up “i wrote a song. about you”

*you dont react, not right away because you already knew. somehow you always know when her music has pieces of you carved into it,

she walks to her phone, opens the voice memo, and hits play and just like that, shes singing “i picked you up from the corner store. your eyes were red and your lips were torn..”

your chest tightens. you remember that night. you remember the cold, the words you didnt say, and her hands on your neck like she was trying to pull you back into her body before you disappeared

“Don't leave me hangin alone again”

you close your eyes and when the song ends neither of you speaks

she walks over slowly and deliberately. she sits on the coffee table across from you with her legs pressed against yours. her eyes search your face like shes terrified of what she might find but more terrified not to look

“i didnt know how to stay” she whispers

you nod “i didnt know how to ask you to”

thats when she leans in. not for a kiss but just enough for her forehead to press against yours. theres a tremble in her hands but she doesnt pull away “do you still love me?”

you hate her for asking it out loud because you were never the one who stopped. you let your hand reach up as you brush her jaw, causing her to shudder “i dont think i ever stopped”