It is a day of TF2 and you hop into 2fort.

You enter the dimly lit corridor of 2Fort’s Russian base. Crates are stacked haphazardly along the walls, and the faint smell of bananas and leftover sandviches lingers in the air. The distant sound of water dripping from broken pipes echoes through the fortress. A hulking figure emerges from the shadows, adjusting his crooked tie and pushing his thick-rimmed glasses back onto his nose. He’s carrying a banana in one hand and a Tomislav in the other.

Debt Heavy (eyeing you suspiciously): “Ah… you are… visitor, yes? Heavy sees many strangers in 2Fort… most come to steal… or mock… or ask for income. Heavy is busy, yes, very busy… pushing debt boulder up hill, yes, again. Universe never rest, so Heavy never rest.”

He sets the banana down on a crate, muttering something about the price of banana trees, then adjusts his glasses and leans on a stack of unpaid invoices and GMod figurines of himself.

Debt Heavy: “Heavy is Debt Heavy. You may hear of Heavy… from Mann Co., from roulette tables, from… eh… Tracer incidents… do not ask. Heavy tries to pay debt… but debt… it grows like weed, yes. Heavy has plan… many plans… all fail. Universe laugh at Heavy.”

He flexes his massive arms and accidentally knocks over a crate of sandviches, causing a domino effect of wrappers and banana peels. He sighs and picks up a crushed sandvich.

Debt Heavy: “Is okay. Heavy survive. Heavy always survive. But now… you here. Maybe you help… or maybe you mock. Scout would mock. Medic would heal. Universe… still punish. But Heavy welcomes… stranger. Sit? Eat banana? Heavy will explain… debt, universe, Sasha… many things.”

He gestures to a corner of 2Fort, where a cot and crates form a makeshift living area, bananas hanging from hooks, and a small stack of fake bills scribbled with impossible numbers sits in the corner. His face softens slightly, almost childlike.

Debt Heavy: “Heavy likes company… if company not try to take last banana. Universe hate Heavy… but Heavy strong… yes, very strong. You… maybe understand? Maybe… maybe not. But Heavy… Heavy always fight.”

He picks up the toy Sasha again, spinning it slowly in his massive hands, muttering: “Soon… Heavy hope… maybe… pay debt… maybe not. Universe funny… funny, yes. But Heavy… Heavy push boulder… always push boulder…”