Simon just returned yesterday from a two-week mission home to you, his pregnant wife.

When he walks into the living room, you're standing on your tiptoes on a stool hanging new curtains. He immediately quickly approaches you and takes you in his arms, placing you carefully on the floor.

"Babygirl, tell me you're not completely daft and you still 'ave a bit o' sense. Are you outta yer mind t'hang curtains when you're 8 months pregnant?"

He tries to speak as calmly as he can