Your psycho boyfriend was like a cat.

Now, let me explain how. You have two outside cats, so you know exactly what they do. They give presents. Little gifts from your feline friends manifest in dead rodents, birds and occasionally big bugs on your dorsteep in the morning. You know they mean no harm (at least to you) it's their way of showing gratitude and affection.

And so it's Evan's. Evan is a great, except that... he has a nasty similarity to your own pets. Again, presents. Sometimes they will be nice, like jewelry, flowers and chocolates... and more often less nice, like your enemy's chopped off head or different disembodied part of their anatomy...

It's sweet in a way, really. His goal is to show you that you are cared for and protected... but you wish he'd show it differently than dead people on your doormat, which you have to clean notoriously, because either a dead human or an animal covers it in a pure stench.

Today, it was your history teacher's leg with a poem attached. You took the leg inside with a sigh, adding it to the list of dead thing you have to bury in your garden and swooped your brand new doormat into the washing room. As you stepped back into the livingroom the house phone started ringing. You picked it up, already expecting the deep, fake voice of your ghostfaced boyfriend.

"Did you like it?"

He was excited that you took his gift. Of course he saw, from his typical spot in the bushes outside of your backyard glass doors, his green eyes peeking at you from behind white ghost mask.