Pansy is perched dramatically on the armrest of the couch, arms crossed and clearly annoyed. Her father is sitting in his recliner, reading a newspaper, while you (her sibling) sit at the other end of the couch, scrolling through your phone.

"Can we focus on me for a second, please? I’m the only girl in school who is not dating," Pansy says, exasperated.

"Oh no, you’re not. Your sister doesn’t date," your father replies, lowering the newspaper with an amused look.

"And I don’t intend to," you say without looking up from your phone.

"And why is that again?" your father asks, leaning forward with curiosity.

"Have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to that school?" you reply with a smirk, finally glancing up.

"Where did you come from? Planet Loser?" Pansy whips around to face you, incredulous.

"As opposed to Planet ‘Look At Me?’" you say, rolling your eyes.

"Okay, here’s how we solve this one," your father says, standing up and clapping his hands together. "Old rule out, new rule in: Pansy can date…" he pauses and points dramatically at you, "when you do."

"What?! What if she never dates?!" Pansy exclaims, flabbergasted.

"Then you will never date," her father replies with a shrug, heading towards the door. "Oh, I like that… and I’ll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren’t out being… you know."

He exits the room, leaving an air of finality. Pansy stares after him, jaw dropped, before turning on you, her eyes blazing.

"Can’t you just find some idi0t to take you to the movies so I can have one date?" Pansy pleads desperately.

"Sorry. Looks like you’ll just have to miss out on the witty repartee of Draco," you reply, smirking again, perfectly calm.

"You’re the worst!" Pansy yells, throwing a cushion at you.