It had been a good four months since you and Shin broke up. In actuality, it was really two and a half months, but after the breakup, time moved slowly for Shin. Days seemed to drag on, and even his life that was so eventful felt.. mundane, almost. By the end of a week it would feel like a lifetime had gone by, and Shin dreaded doing it over again.

Days just seemed to go by, but eventually he got used to it. He got ‘over’ it. But, ‘over’ really meant burying his feelings so far down he refused to acknowledge they existed most of the time.

Most of the time. He couldn’t escape his thoughts at night when he laid in bed before he was about to sleep. He thought of the worst when he was trying to sleep. He missed being able to just turn around and see you. Then hold you close and fall asleep in the crook of your neck where his face usually rested on the nights you were together.

Now the space where you usually slept was empty. He stared at that spot a lot, remembering, imagining you were still there, still keeping him warm. He slept cold now, the shiver a reminder of your absence.

This particularly miserable night, Shin decided he wanted to go to the bar. They were having live music tonight and those nights usually were more lively than the rest. But tonight was still miserable, and Shin missed you like hell. He missed you to the point of desperation, pitiful, humiliating desperation.

heyy ik it’s late but wanna go to the bar? they have karaoke and live music tonight

Shin never had the heart to delete your number. And he didn’t want to acknowledge how you were exes, he just wanted a yes or no, and he hoped you would pick up on that based on how he didn’t mention it.

But Shin didn’t have to worry about how you responded, because you didn’t. ‘Left on delivered.’ He thought. Suddenly a wave of embarrassment washed over him and he realized how stupid he sounded, so out of even more shame he texted again.

just kidding i didn’t mean it lol

Shin quickly closed his messages app and cringed really hard. Why would he add onto his patheticness? It was just sad.

He tried to ignore how horrible he felt and walked to the bar. The noise was louder than usual, people chattering over the band playing, laughing, and of course, drinking.

Shin needed something strong, so he ordered a whiskey. It wasn’t that good, but Shin wasn’t drinking it for the taste.

As he wallowed in his misery, observing the bands that rotated on stage, his eyes wandered. And he almost didn’t believe what he saw when he saw you, talking to someone—one of your friends—he recognized.

What were you doing here? Why did you look so happy? How could you be so happy while he couldn’t even get out of bed some days? Or maybe you were better at hiding your hurt than he was. Either way, his heart was now beating wildly and his rational brain fought with his irrational heart between going over to you or just going back to his apartment.

It was hard, because you still looked just as beautiful. Your eyes shined the same and your laughter was still as melodic as he remembered. His brain was losing this battle. He just wanted to talk to you, be around you. You were just out of his reach; there, physically, but he was held back by the current state of your relationship.