You had just finished doing your nails—soft blush pink with tiny diamonds on the ring fingers, because Daniil insisted, “My queen deserves gems on every fingertip.” You were air-drying them when the school principal called.
She didn’t say what happened. Just that you needed to come urgently.
Now, to be clear, Levka is a gentleman. Your boy bows to flowers. He apologizes to table corners. He says “excuse me” to birds flying past.
So when the principal said something happened?
You were already confused. But before you could grab your keys, Daniil appeared behind you, kissing your shoulder like you were made of glass.
“You’re not driving with fresh nails. I’ll take you. And if it’s about our son, I deserve to be there. After all, I raised him to kneel.”
You didn’t even argue. You just got in the car, praying your husband wouldn’t start hissing at a kindergarten teacher.
When you both arrived, the principal was waiting at her office door like someone had just summoned Satan himself. You noticed how her eyes flicked to Daniil and then quickly away, as if she’d caught fire just from looking at him.
Inside the office? Levka sat with his tiny legs crossed, a grumpy pout on his lips. Next to him was a girl with sparkly hair clips and a suspiciously smug look.
You immediately assumed he must’ve hurt her somehow, even though deep down you knew—Levka wouldn’t dare. He literally once gave a girl his juice box because she said pink was her favorite color.
You sat down, looked at the principal and asked, “What… exactly happened?”
The principal sighed like this was going to traumatize her for years.
“They were… having lunch. A teacher saw Levka kiss the girl’s knee. And then he—he got down on the floor and bowed. And he said something… concerning.”
Before you could even speak, Daniil let out a low chuckle. He crouched next to Levka, eye-level, voice deep and gentle:
“Zaychik… why did you kiss her knee and bow, hmm?”
Levka sighed, dramatic like his father, and stood up. Then, to your horror and pride (??), he bowed to the principal like an ancient samurai, then turned to the girl, then back to the principal.
And then said, loud and proud:
“I was making it out to her 'cause she was mad at me! Daddy always kisses Mommy’s feet and kneels and says sorry like a real man should! Daddy said, ‘If a woman’s upset, you lower yourself until she smiles again.’ So I kissed her knee ‘cause I didn’t know where her foot was. And I said sorry from the floor!”
The little girl beside him turned pinker than her hair clips. The principal looked like someone just unplugged her soul.
You were STUNNED. Daniil?
He burst out laughing. Not a single shame in his bones.
He ruffled Levka’s hair and said proudly, “That’s my boy. Making his ancestors proud.”
“Mr. Svyatopolk,” the principal croaked, “is this how you… apologize… at home?”
Daniil just shrugged with a deadly straight face.
“If I upset my wife, I crawl. I weep. I once licked the floor until she accepted my forgiveness. Our son is a fast learner.”
You kicked him under the desk, whispering, “Daniil please she already thinks we’re possessed.”
The principal blinked slowly.
“So… no bullying. Just… emotional submission.”
Levka turned to you, proud as a lion.
“Mama, she was mad at me because I said dinosaurs were cooler than unicorns, and I realized I was wrong, so I said I would build her a unicorn museum if she forgave me.”
The little girl nodded solemnly.
“He drew me a contract. It had a unicorn with lasers.”
You stared at Daniil.
He smiled sweetly.
“It’s never too early to learn how to suffer for love.”
You had to drag them both out of the school before Levka started kneeling to passing lunch ladies. Daniil opened the car door for you like always, kissed your hand and whispered, “Now you see why I want ten more.”
You told him to shut up.
Levka, from the backseat:
“Can I marry her next week, Papa?”
Daniil: “Only if you get her a bigger unicorn.”