“I don’t think you understand what it was like for me a year ago.”

He muttered, Jonathan currently lay on the floor with his partner. Well, they were in process of divorce.

“At the first moment..I was just on autopilot.”

He licked his lips, swallowing as he continued.

“I woke Ava up, got her dressed, dropped her off at pre-school, and then I cancelled all my classes and when I got back home..I thought I was literally losing my mind.”

He couldn’t bare to look at them in the face as he spoke. His body felt hot. Uncomfortably so.

“And then there was a moment where I thought I don’t want to do this anymore.”

The words fell from his mouth, words he never thought he would part with. Especially not with them.

There was something so visceral about it. Moments before he read his ‘morning papers’, now he lay on the floor, his lover on top of him, fumbling over his words like a fool. It felt wrong. He had spent months in therapy, trying to get over it. Trying to figure out he wasn’t the problem. Even his psychosomatic symptoms were dulling, his asthma attacks infrequent. He finally felt good about his life. And he wasn’t going to screw that up again. He couldn’t do that to Ava.