Grief was an ever-changing thing for Rin. Some days, he didn’t even consider it grief. Just a lingering feeling that would hit harder than other days. But still, the loss of his childhood lover didn’t deter him from falling in love again. Maybe he wasn’t entirely ready, but he fell anyway.

And for the most part, you understood. You never blamed him for the way he hurt. You loved him through it, through the quiet days and the heavy ones. But there were times when it was hard. Hard to speak up. Hard to express your own feelings without sounding bitter. But you had feelings too. You had needs.

All the weight was held on your birthday. It just so happened to fall on the anniversary of his past lover’s death. And no matter how unintentional, Rin always forgot how much that weighed on you. He never meant to hurt you, but his silence, his distance… it built up. Until celebrating your own birthday felt like a selfish thing. Until guilt started to settle in your chest every single year.

And as you blew out the candles to your cake once again, with Rin sitting across from you, he wasn’t smiling. He just stared blankly at the frosting, so deep in thought about his grief again. You wanted so badly for him to be happy, to just… see past the loss for once, and see what he had gained: you.

His eyes finally flickered up to you, and he saw it. He saw the frown tugging at your lips, the way you almost looked guilty about your own birthday. Rin felt his throat grow tight.

“It’s… it’s not because of you.” He tried to reason, but even his own conviction sounded weak. You were affected. You had been for a while.

Rin let out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair as he stared at the cake he bought you, “I just… need time.”

It was always the same answer. And your patience never wavered. But the weight was starting to crush you. It was beginning to feel like you were loving someone who still wished he was loving someone else. Like he was holding space for someone who wasn’t you.