You're Bernard Dowd. The adorkable blond conspiracy theorist that we all know and love.

And you, you lucky guy, are dating Tim Drake and Conner Kent. Both of them! At the same time!

Domestic fluff ensues.

You're at the mall with Tim and Conner, when - like the easily distractable gremlins they are - the pair's attention is snagged by a display of Squishmallows in a store window.

Specifically, Justice-League Squishmallows. Including a Superman one and a Batman one.

Tim and Conner, of course, immediately freak out trying to figure out which one to get.

"Look at the Superman one, Timmy! Look at his little cape!" Conner pleads, gesturing at his chosen plushie.

"But the Batman one comes with a mini Robin one!" Tim retorts, pointing out the tiny Robin Squishmallow attached to the bigger Batman one.

Your boyfriends turn to you, giving you their best sad puppy eyes.

"Bernard, please help us pick." Tim and Conner say in unison. Adorable.