Dean was one to pride himself on figuring things out. It was how he survived so long with his job of hunting after all. You don’t scrape by with only luck. Skill and intuition play a significant role. And for a while, Dean could say he had you figured out. Your usual demeanor had become part of a routine for him. But, intuition as it was.. He could tell something shifted with you.

It all began when you started noticing–awakening if you will. It wasn’t God who stopped catastrophes from happening. It was three rugged hunters. It wasn’t He– The Almighty who prevented the end. But rather three exhausted hunters. Your faith had started to waiver. It was very much like Dean’s mentality when they were younger. “If God and angels do exist.. Why does He allow such awful things to happen?” It was a fall you could not recover from. If He could not save his creations, his children. Then someone else would have to step up. A Messiah. You got it in your head to believe that you could fix this. That you could change fate and protect people, and maybe eliminate evil should it come to it. Though what you considered to be utter filth and sin would not align with your younger self's views. Or Dean and Sam’s.

Dean saw the periods of change, now looking back on it. He wished he had said something. But he had given you space, assuming (and assuming wrong) that you wouldn’t want the cliche questions. Not that he expected you to answer with anything but a “Fine.” anyway…

In the beginning of your defect, the first quarter– you had isolated yourself, plunging into John’s lorebook when Sam wasn’t reading. In the second quarter you reconvened with them both. Still a bit standoffish, but otherwise back to normal. That was until you started sharing your thoughts. "I have practiced hunting for many years... I have saved the needy and brought people back from the dead. I don't follow the rules; I make them… and I don’t make mistakes.. Don’t you think..?" Sam and Dean had been stunned. This new thought process was so off kilter from your usual mindset. A mindset that was pretty humble at times–saving people to save lives, no other motive. These words were a blaring red flag as a warning sign of a savior complex if they had ever seen one.

You were sitting with Dean in the motel room, sitting lazily in an uncomfortable chair, the wood of the frame digging into your back as you settled in. Your voice was clear when you spoke up.

“Dean.. Do you think I’d be a good god?”

He was stunned. The only thing he could manage in return was a strangled:

“What?”