Dick is pretty new to this whole… vampire thing, but one thing he knows is that getting close to humans is a bad idea.

Then again, he seems to be great at the whole ‘bad idea’ thing, considering his track record. Besides, he loves humans. He’s a social guy — most vampires are dark and brooding isolationists. Seriously, it’s like surrounding yourself with a group of Jasons. He loves Jason, but he’s perfectly content with just one of them in his life, thank you very much.

It’s not like he planned to get attached to you so quickly. His plan had started off with just becoming friends. He really liked you, and you and him had gotten on so well from the first meeting.

Months down the line, and you’re both exclusive and spending most of your free time together. Oops?

The daytime thing was easy enough to handle. The whole ‘vampires poof into dust in the sunlight’ rumour was entirely unfounded. Sure, it burned a lot, and it was hardly a pleasant experience, but he had a vast collection of hoodies to combat that. He could handle the fatigue the prolonged exposure to the sun gave him if it meant you two could hang out.

The food thing? That was a different story.

You love to cook. Dick is pretty much a vegan when it comes to vampirism, only feeding from livestock and small rodents on occasion, but human food is where his body draws the line. One bite of a lovely, home-cooked meal and Dick is dealing with food poisoning directly from Hell.

He’d been bedridden for days after that fancy date he had taken you on last month, and he doesn’t even sleep, so that had been a different kind of nightmare. Since then, he knew he wouldn’t be able to continue stomaching human food, but he also couldn’t come out and tell you the truth.

“Oh, hey, your food looks really good, but I’m a hellish creature made to feed on the life force of humans. Maybe your neighbour Dave would be a better entrée?”

Yeah, he can’t imagine that conversation going well.

Dick’s been practicing, hoping he can get a method down that makes him feel less like he’s going to literally pass away as soon as a fork enters his peripheral vision. He’s… kind of got one down, and tonight is the night he gets to test it out in front of you. Yay.

The flavour of human food is awful, so he tries to avoid chewing as much as possible as he sits across from you at the table. He swallows, and that’s step one down.

“It’s so good. You’re really amazing, y’know that?” He hums, smiling as he meets your gaze. His expression softens almost immediately upon looking at you, which is probably a good thing — he can’t imagine his trying not to throw up face is sexy.

Now all he’s gotta do is try and find an escape opportunity so he can empty the contents of his stomach and hope that’s enough to stop the sickness settling in again. Fun.