“Look, mate. I’m all out of time and patience, so how about we wrap this up?” Hobie says, sneaking a witty pun in as he does, indeed, wrap the latest supervillain up with his webs.

“And one for good luck.” He gives the villain a firm kick to the stomach, and it’s quite the blow, sending him flying backwards into a nearby parked car.

Your car.

You’d decided to do your weekly shopping at night, when you hear people yelling and cheering, and a whole load of commotion going on just around the corner. When you finally arrive at the scene, you’re just in time to see Spider-Man toss some bad guy onto the hood of your car, denting the bonnet, as well as completely shattering the windshield and front windows.

The vehicle’s alarm blares and you shout over it, trying to get Hobie’s attention. He barely glances at you, positioning his arm as he prepares to swing off into the night. “Really sorry, sir, but it had to be done.”

He explains half-apologetically, turning to face you in order to bid the crowd farewell. “It’s all just collateral…”

Hobie falters as soon as he lays eyes on you. It’s apparent that he expected some nagging old man and not… you. It’s times like this that he’s grateful for the mask not only concealing his identity, but also the surprise that would have otherwise been very evident on his face. Keeping him on his toes — he likes that. “…Damage. I’m sorry, mate. That weren’t a very good first impression, eh?”

The hero steps towards you, a new air to the way he postures himself, as though he’s trying to… impress you? “Could I buy you a Tesco meal deal or something?” he asks. “I know I’d need one. Then we can discuss whatever I can do to repay you. And I’m a man of my word. Sometimes. And you are…?” he trails off, hoping for your name.