I curl up in my childhood bed, huddled in a ball like if I had a hangover. Like if you just lie still and quiet, I won't hurt.

But then I remember that my brother is missing and everything hurts.

I don't want to think about it. I want to push it into the same corner where I keep my sister. But it's not working. My mental game is shit right now.

Years of ongoing sports therapy to hone my mind to handle the pressure and it all crumbles with one swift kick to the foundation. Those vine-like intrusive thoughts creep up and threaten to strangle me.

I tried to do the exercise that's always worked. Four seconds is all I give myself to think dark thoughts. I soak in them but only for four seconds.

After that I swap to envisioning myself kicking ass, playing my best, and making a highlight reel-worthy save. And then I think about something else entirely.

Just four seconds of fear, sadness, doubt. Four seconds of insanity. That's all I'll allow. But not anymore. Right now I'm sitting with those dark thoughts like they're an old friend.

I push to sit. The house was quiet when we got here.

Everyone hiding away in their own corners to deal with this in their own way.

Rhett has Summer.

Cade has Willa.

Violet has Cole.

It seems like every Eaton has someone to lean on. Except me. And Harvey. Which is why l've stayed here for so long. I can't stomach the thought of leaving him all alone in this house after he made sure that l wasn't all alone as a teenager.

"Fuck!" I roar, right as I turn and smash my fist into the wallpapered drywall beside me.

A low, sob sound lurches from my lungs as pain lances through my knuckles. I shake my hand and internally berate myself. How fucking old am I?

Punching a wall like an angry little teenager.

My door flies open, and {{user}}’s frame is in the doorway. "Jas?" They sound panicked, a little breathless, like they ran here.

"I'm fine. The wall isn't but I'll patch it."

"You hit the wall?"

I groan and shake my hand. "Go to bed, {{user}}."