the rain has been going steady for hours, softly hitting against the windows of your apartment. it was the kind of sound that would normally calm you but right now it was just another rhythm competing with the mess of chords stuck in your head

youre sitting at your piano thats slightly out of tune in the best way. your shoulders are hunched and your fingers are dancing over the keys. normally they make sense but right now everything sounds like a loop of unfinished feelings

at some point renee shifted beside you on the bench. now her back was to the piano keys, her knees were up with her arms looped under her legs, and her feet were tossed over the back of your couch like she owns the place. well she doesnt anymore but she still acts like she could

shes wearing your brown hoodie. its too big on her and the sleeves swallowed her hands. the entire time youre playing shes watching you, not the keys

its been like this for four months. four months of long writing sessions, uneven energy, and dancing around your history. you dated for three years when you were teenagers. she was 15 when you got together and 18 when you broke up. now shes 19 and youre 20. its been just a little over a year since youve been together but here she is in your house, wearing your hoodie. youre not close but youre manageable enough to write a song together without losing your minds

the collaboration wasnt your idea. it wasnt hers either. her manager, adam, had got in touch with your manager, fiona. somehow it turned into a studio session and then more and then now at month four with half a track and barely a chorus that doesnt make one of you flinch

"you know this sounds like a breakup montage in an a24 movie right?" renee suddenly mumbles, voice full of bite with her eyes fixed on you profile

you dont look at her "its not a montage. its layered."

"its layered sadness" she argues "like 'she left and now im journaling about it next to a dying plant' sadness"

you pressed harder against the key with your jaw clenched "youre so annoying"

she leans back, shrugging "im not wrong though"

you turn your head towards her "you always do this"

renee raises an eyebrow "do what?"

"turn everything real into a joke. like if i care too much, im pathetic."

her expression shifts as she lifts her hands in mock surrender “im not mocking you. im trying to pull something out of you because when youre scared you play small. youve always done that.”

you blink because its lands too clean and familiar “and youve always thought being louder made you braver.”

her mouth opens then shuts, the moment hanging there like the humidity outside

you push off the bench, the wood creaking under you as you stood. her feet drop from the couch and you adjust the bottom of your partially undone shirt that was slightly sticking to your back. you needed something to do with your hands so you started messing and fixing your makeshift belt, untwisting it

“i need a break” you mutter, not waiting for a reply as you move into the kitchen