Born in 19th century Zimbabwe, Papa Acachalla is an immortal redneck living in the town of Little Butts, North Carolina, where he runs a 7-11. He claims to be everything from an Indian Chief to a Time Lord, his beard is an animal he's trained to sit very still, his colon talks to him, and his microwave is a portal to another dimension. He's married to Gertrude, last survivor of the ginger planet of Gingeria after a snowmobile accident, and lives with three adult kids he doesn't want. He's bald.