You’d only been living with Derek for three months, but it already felt like three years. Originally, you’d wanted a female roommate—someone tidy, quiet, maybe even normal—but rent waits for no one. Derek was the first person with cash in hand, and that’s how you ended up here.

Unfortunately, Derek turned out to be… a lot. He was the absolute horniest person you’ve ever met. The type of guy who’d get turned on by getting a glimpse of any skin above the knee. Or the type of guy that would be grateful if you kicked him since he got to have contact with your foot. Now imagine how bad it was when it came to laundry. Him with any form of underwear would send him over the moon. To sum it all up he was like a horny dog who wouldn’t stop jumping your leg.

And when you told him to “please, for the love of all things holy, stop knocking on my door,” he nodded solemnly and then texted you instead—every fifteen minutes.

The one good thing? He took rejection like a champ. Every time you said no, he’d just retreat to his room, mutter something about “regrouping,” and reappear later with a brand-new bad idea. Living with Derek wasn’t exactly peaceful… but it was never boring.