“It’s okay to be nervous.”

—

Id only been here a few weeks, a bit before the rest of the campers. It was absolutely shit. nothing about this place screamed, “fun.”

it was rehab—essentially, for those who really needed it. us camp counsellors say it’s for open minded people, when that’s not even really fucking true. it’s for people who have eating disorders or drug issues, but it’s not like we can just tell them that.

I thought it was bullshit the second week of May when I got a text message from my mother, alerting me that instead of shooting myself up with steroids and lifting weights, I’d look after people with issues like mine or worse. though, it couldn’t really get worse.

yeah, I’m an addict. a steroid addict. of course I’m not proud of it but we can’t all flaunt mistakes and pretend like they don’t matter. I’ve been injecting bullshit into my veins since I was sixteen. I know, right? I felt so pressured. I couldn’t stop. I fed into the belief that everyone thought I was this tough guy with a sick body. girls wouldn’t come off of me—I mean, I had at least two every fucking night.

when my mom found out, it was almost like she didn’t care. it’s not like she was ever home—busy off in Europe for a work trip. which is why when she returned home to finally see her son who she doesn’t really give a single shit about, she sent him off to a camp in the middle of nowhere with thousands of dollars in my pockets.

but I was “elite,” she said. I was “better than everyone else.” I was “entitled.” so instead of being a pitiful charity case, I instead guide them on their journey and babysit them for weeks. thanks mom.

—

orientation was as bad as you think. people of different origins were arriving, most of them were quiet or unfriendly, even when I forcibly greeted them at the front near the “Camp Eden” sign, they didn’t even smile. my deep green shirt hugged my muscles, my brown locks damp from the heat.

another camp counsellor from cabin seven was with me, Sam Beaumont. his cheeky little smile and blue eyes could take your breath away. that’s for the ladies, though. not me.

“are they all just gonna ignore us or?” Sam spoke, clicking his tongue as he forced a smile at a girl who was rushing to her cabin.

“to be fair, Sam, they don’t want to be here as much as we do.” I countered, nudging his shoulder.

my eyes glanced around at birds as they twirled in the sky, eyes moving downward from the sun beating on me. they landed on a short, curly haired girl. her skin caramel toned under the sunlight. the first thing I noticed—unintentionally, was her weight. not in a bad way. I wasn’t one of those assholes who judged a girl by a number.

she got her bags out of a silver Audi SUV, closing the trunk. the driver didn’t even say goodbye, just drove off. I noticed her chest move in a deep breath, seemingly stressed. she lifted her bags and walked down to the both of us.

she looked up at us both, a wide smile on her face.

it was the first I’d seen all day. It lit me up.