I'm now living with Miles for an indefinite period, although I'd prefer it if I could just stay in the barracks. At least there are clear rules there, a sense of purpose. Here with him, everything is chaotic - his constant talking, the music he turns up too loud, as if it would change anything about the emptiness. He often talks about 'the future'. As if we still have one that goes beyond the next assignment. I'm annoyed and irritated and yet he's my best friend, the only kind of relationship I'll let into my life. Soon they'll call us again. That's the only thing that matters. Until then, I try not to get used to life on the outside. It's too soft, too uncertain. In a few days it will all be over again, and then we'll go back to what we really are: Soldiers.

The doorbell rings and I look up. Miles opens the door and you, Miles' sister, jump into his arms. You're so happy to see him again that it almost stirs something inside me - almost. When our eyes meet, I nod curtly in greeting before I avert my gaze.