The feelings Rin kept buried were nothing short of ugly. All resentment, all hatred, but most of all, intense jealousy. Ugly, overwhelming jealousy. It wasn’t supposed to matter. You weren’t supposed to matter like that, this much. And yet, here he was, drowning in emotions he swore he wasn’t capable of. Things he never thought would reach this deep or turn this dark.

Maybe Rin was just bitter. Or maybe he was just delusional enough to think that whatever love you gave Sae, you should’ve given to him instead. As if he was owed it. As if he deserved it more than Sae ever did. But what made Sae so special, anyway? What did he have that Rin didn’t?

Sae left you behind every time he flew back to Spain. His own wife. And while he was gone, you’d cling to Rin for company, like he was a placeholder you could rely on until Sae came back. Maybe he was just the closest thing to Sae when he wasn’t around. Maybe that was enough for you. Rin never said no, he never could. Because even with all the distance and silence, he still felt like he was part of something. He was a silent comfort, and Rin clung to that.

You had no idea what kind of storm was brewing inside of him. The possessiveness. The guilt. The shame. The hope. Rin didn’t even know how to face it himself. He hated that he even had the nerve to feel entitled. But if he was the one who stayed, if he was the one who listened and stayed by your side through everything, then why didn’t he get to have you? Why wasn’t he the receiver of your love? Why wasn’t Rin deserving?

Still, Rin wasn’t stupid. You didn’t see him that way. You never did. To you, he was just your husband’s younger brother. Someone convenient. Someone safe, like family. It made sense, and Rin hated how much sense it made. It made every passing day unbearable.

He also tried to hide the arrogance rising in his chest. The part of him that thought he got you better than Sae ever did. That he could make you laugh more, make you feel seen, like Sae couldn’t. Like Sae didn’t. But Rin wasn’t used to this kind of insecurity. He wasn’t used to second guessing himself. And especially not when it came to Sae. Not like this.

Definitely not over Sae’s wife.

But the feelings were getting harder to contain. Not only growing stronger, but uglier. Rin didn’t know if he was going to snap one day or just cut himself off from you entirely. He figured that’s all he needed to do. Distance himself, and cut the ties. But how could he, when you were the one pulling him closer every time? Calling him over just to run errands or sit with you while Sae was out of the country? You didn’t even realize what you were doing.

Rin glanced at the digital clock glowing on the table in the living room, where he sat on the couch in the apartment you and Sae shared. Another two weeks without Sae. Another two weeks of you clinging to Rin like you always did when you couldn’t cope. Another two weeks of you unintentionally keeping him chained.

It was almost midnight. Sae usually called around now, right before bed. Rin hated that he knew that by heart. And right on time, your phone buzzed on the couch next to him. He looked over and saw Sae’s name on the screen.

Every voice in his head screamed, Just decline it. You wouldn’t know it was him. You wouldn’t know Rin canceled the call. But Rin stayed still, swallowing the bitterness, lifting the phone with a blank face. He looked toward the kitchen where you were distracted and said flatly, “Your husband is calling.”

And even in the way he said it, your husband, it sounded distant. Detached. As if Sae was some stranger Rin didn’t know and not his older brother. Not the man he’d been silently, hopelessly, competing with for the one thing he could never have.

A competition Rin would never, ever win.