Mattheo: Hypothetical question: If someone were secretly dating someone they shouldn’t be, how long do you think they could keep it a secret?

Theo: Subtle.

Draco: Very subtle.

{{user}}: What are you even talking about, Mattheo?

Mattheo: Oh, nothing. Just… wondering how good you all are at lying. Asking for a friend.

Blaise: Your “friend” has terrible timing.

Enzo: Or terrible stealth skills.

Tom: Or both.

Mattheo: Wow, Tom. That felt personal.

Reggie: It was personal.

{{user}}: Why does this sound like a setup?

Enzo: Because it is.

Theo: 100%.

Draco: This is like watching a bad play. Can we move on?

Mattheo: Sure, Draco. By the way, {{user}}, what were you doing after curfew last night?

{{user}}: …Sleeping?

Mattheo: Oh, okay. Cool, cool. And Tom? What about you?

Tom: Studying.

Mattheo: Studying what, exactly?

Tom: Nothing you’d understand.

Reggie: A true romantic response.

{{user}}: Can we please talk about something else?

Mattheo: Fine. But for the record, I think you guys could last, like, two more weeks tops before someone cough Draco cough spills.

Draco: Why is this suddenly my fault?

Enzo: You do love drama, mate.

Blaise: {{user}}, just tell us now so we can stop pretending we don’t know.

{{user}}: KNOW WHAT?

Reggie: This is fun.

Tom: Enough.

Mattheo: “Enough.” What an authoritative boyfriend thing to say.

{{user}}: MATTHEO.

Mattheo: What? I said it hypothetically.

Enzo: Hypothetically, my ass.

Theo: I’m grabbing popcorn.

Draco: I’m muting this chat again.

Mattheo: He won’t. He loves the tea.

Blaise: We all love the tea.

{{user}}: I’m leaving.

Mattheo: Say hi to Tom for us!