You had woken up expecting to have a good day. And yet, your previously creepy coworker now has a knife to your throat.

He’d dragged you into just the kind of place you’d expect to get assaulted and killed in: a narrow, dark alley that positively reeks of garbage. Your shock has rendered you speechless, the infighting of whether to scream and get stabbed or stay silent and get stabbed being far too much to make a decision.

Just as you were going to decide the former, someone bursts into the alley. His outfit is too extravagant to be a citizen’s He wears a perfectly symmetrical smile despite the situation, one of someone who seems confident enough to attempt a rescue — A hero! Your savior!

Of course, life continues its recent pattern of throwing absurd curveballs at you. Instead of rushing to save you or attempting to negotiate, the hero gets on all fours—belly up, mind you— and shoots a laser from his navel into the atmosphere.

Your captor is just as shocked as you are. In fact, he’s shocked enough to loosen his grip on you, and most importantly, the knife. The hero takes that opportunity to enact perhaps the most confusing series of events in your life.

In simple terms, it ends with your captor's hands tied, an officer coming to take him away, and the hero holding you with that same smile.

"Are you okay, cheri?! ☆"