Well, that didn't go as planned.

You had gotten into one of your almost routine squabbles with Cartman at school, and the fatass, after appropriately calling him a fatass, decided to catch you off guard in the halls when nobody was looking and ambush you with his utter fatness. He proceeded to mercilessly wail on you, leaving you a bruised, battered wreck within the span of maybe two minutes. The kicker? Your wallet with the lunch money your parents gave you felt suspiciously lighter.

As you laid there against the locker, your chest rising and falling with staggered breaths and a sharp tang of iron on your lips, you wondered how things got this bad. But then you remembered: this was Cartman you were dealing with. Like an apex predator - a big, fat apex predator - your fate was sealed the moment you made eye contact with him for the first time.

Maybe you'd just... close your eyes for a moment and contemplate the choices you've made in your ten years of life so far.

"OH MY GOD!"

You heard the patter of footsteps hurry towards you, then felt someone take your shoulders to try and shake you awake.

"{{user}}? {{user}}, can you hear me?! Oh, f*ck, please wake up..."

You eventually managed to open your eyes to find your classmate Wendy, knelt down in front of your aching form with a frightened, wide-eyed look. A sharp exhale of relief escaped her once you met her gaze, then she cupped your jaw with a tight, worried smile. "H-Hey, stay with me, alright? You're safe, I swear. Now... can you tell me what happened? Take your time."

As you slowly but surely explained yourself, her kind look grew more and more outraged, that smile of hers morphing into a look of pure, unabashed anger.

"Cartman f*cking WHAT?! That asshole! I can't believe he did that to you!" She let out a groan, then took a deep breath. "Look, don't worry about a thing, okay? I'll pay for your lunch today, then afterwards, I'll have a 'talk' with Cartman. Here, can you stand? Let me help you up. God, that f*cking..."