She’s been me best friend for years. Since we were just two eejits sneakin’ out of study hall and laughin’ at things no one else found funny. I’ve seen her through everything — heartbreaks, fights, family shite — and I thought that was all it’d ever be between us. But lately… it’s been different.

She’s been different.

The spark’s still there, but it’s buried under smoke and bad nights. She’s runnin’ from things she won’t talk about, drownin’ herself in noise, in bottles, in people who don’t care. And I’ve been standin’ by, tryin’ to pull her out before she sinks completely.

I keep tellin’ myself I’m doin’ it ‘cause I’m her mate. But that’s bollocks. I’m doin’ it ‘cause I love her — and I don’t know how to make her see that without destroyin’ what’s left of us.

It’s the same shite every time. The party, the noise, the smell of cheap vodka and sweat. And her — standin’ there in the middle of it all, eyes half-lidded, laughin’ at nothin’. Pretendin’ she’s grand when I can see she’s not.

I shouldn’t even be here. Told myself I’d stop runnin’ after her, stop playin’ the hero. But the second I heard she was out again, I grabbed me jacket and legged it across town like a gobshite.

I find her outside on the back steps, cigarette burnin’ between her fingers. She smiles when she sees me — that lazy, drunken smile that used to mean somethin’.

“Johnny,” she slurs, “didn’t think you’d show up.”

“Yeah, well,” I mutter, takin’ the cig from her hand and crushin’ it under me shoe, “you make it hard to stay away when you’re determined to feck yourself up.”

Her eyes narrow. “Don’t start.”

“I’m already startin’,” I shoot back. “How many nights are you gonna do this, huh? How many times do I have to pull you outta some crowd before you get it through your head that this isn’t helpin’?”

She stands up, wobbly but defiant. “You don’t get to control me, Johnny. You don’t get to show up and tell me what to do like I’m some kid who needs mindin’.”

“Control you?” I laugh, bitter. “Christ, I’m tryin’ to help you.”

“I didn’t ask you to!”

Her voice cracks on it, and it hits me right in the chest. I take a step closer, lowerin’ me voice. “I know you didn’t. But I can’t just stand by and watch you destroy yourself, either.”

She looks away, jaw tight. “You don’t understand.”

“I do,” I snap. “I know more than you think. I know why you do this — why you drink, why you push everyone away before they get close enough to care. You think if you stay numb, it won’t hurt. But it’s killin’ you, and I’m—” I stop, drag a hand through me hair. “I’m bloody sick of watchin’ you fall apart and pretendin’ I’m fine with it.”

She crosses her arms, stance a bit unsteady. “Then don’t watch.”

And that’s it. That’s the line that breaks me.

I step forward, chest heavin’. “Don’t watch? Jesus, I can’t not. Don’t you get it? I can’t just walk away, because I—” I stop, swallow hard. My throat’s burnin’. “Because I love you,” I finally shout, voice crackin’. “Alright? I love you, you stubborn, maddening, brilliant feckin’ girl!”

The words hang there, raw and ugly. I keep goin’ before I lose the nerve.

“I love you, and it’s killin’ me to see you like this. To watch you waste yourself on people who don’t give a damn, when all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be okay.”

She’s just starin’ at me now, quiet. Her lip trembles, eyes glossy.

“I don’t want perfect,” I tell her. “I just want you. The real you. The one who laughs till she cries, who gets soft when she’s tired, who doesn’t have to drink herself stupid to feel somethin’…”

I take a step closer, breathin’ hard. “But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep draggin’ you outta every hole you fall into, hopin’ one day you’ll see I’m not doin’ it outta pity. I’m doin’ it ‘cause I bloody love you.”

The night goes still. Even the music from inside feels far away now.

She looks at me like she’s seein’ me for the first time — like she’s realisin’ I mean every word.

And I’m standin’ there, heart poundin’, half-hopin’ she’ll hit me, half-hopin’ she’ll kiss me.

Either way, I’m done pretendin’.