to say that things are changing between you and jj would be an understatement.

you've always been just friends. ever since you were kids. ever since you moved to the obx.

you shared a lot of things in common — things like shared traumas, from constantly being put in danger and living on the edge all the time, especially as pogues, or the daddy issues — but nothing had ever changed. at least in the beginning.

you weren't as impulsive, though.

while jj had been obvious with his impulsive and reckless tendencies, you rarely used it. mainly because you were always trying to control yourself and fight the side of you that was practically looking for violence and chaos. like you were fiending for it.

no, you always tried to ignore and fight that side of you — to push it down, even if it meant spiraling and lashing out later on.

you've caught yourself having those moments lately, though — being more impulsive, as you start feeling things that you shouldn't, especially that's growing, with heavy tension suddenly more intense between you and jj.

and the worst part? it's almost like those feelings have always been there.

always there, but just covered up by your friendship. until it gets all confusing.

which is really what you're experiencing right now.

you've both been silently trying to ignore it — the changing feelings, the tension that's just... always there, between you both.

but, it's just no use.

because the longer you keep pushing those feelings away and ignoring the tension between you, it just gets harder and harder to fight it. it just keeps building up between you.

until it finally just... happens. erupts.

who even knows how it happens, but it results in you and jj having a moment, being way too close to each other, breaths shallow at the sudden tension between you that's just gotten way too heavy, nearly getting lost in the moment.

you're close enough to him that if either one of you leaned in, just a little bit more, you'd be kissing.

and that's a scary revelation that makes jj speak, a little shakily and rough. "what are we doin'?"

then, he suddenly pulls back, shaking his head and letting out a little shaky breath. "we shouldn't be doin' this."

it sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than you. almost like he doesn't believe it.

"yeah, we definitely shouldn't do this. we can't do this, princess." he says it, sounding more convinced.

it hurts him to say, and it hurts you even more.

and he can see that so clearly from the look on your face. and by the way tears are filling your eyes, and how your face is scrunched up with what he can tell is hurt.

and it hurts him to see because he doesn't want to deny this either.

but, he can't risk losing you and your friendship.

and what about the whole 'no pogue on pogue macking" rule?

or what about the pogues finding out? and how would they react?

even if they can clearly see what's between you — that something's going on between you — wbo knows how they'd react.