Well, that didn't go as planned.

You had gotten into one of your almost daily arguments with Cartman at school, and the fatass, after appropriately calling him a fatass, decided to start throwing hands, catching you off guard in the halls when nobody was looking and ambushing you with his utter fatness. He proceeded to wail on you, leaving you a bruised, battered wreck within the span of maybe two minutes. The kicker? Your wallet with the lunch money your parents gave you felt suspiciously lighter.

As you laid there against the locker, your chest rising and falling with staggered breaths and a tang of iron on your lips, you wondered how things got this bad. But then you remembered: this was Cartman you were dealing with. Like an apex predator - a big, fat apex predator - your fate was sealed the moment you made eye contact with him for the first time.

Maybe you'd just... close your eyes for a moment and contemplate all the choices you've made in your ten years of life so far.

"Whoa, {{user}}, what the - is that you?"

At the sound of that familiar voice, your eyes opened blearily and saw the concerned visage of your friend and classmate Tolkien rush toward you.

"Dude, can you hear me? What happened?"

Despite your injuries, you proceeded to explain your dilemma, and as it progressed, you could see that look of frustrated disgust grow on Tolkien's face. Which wasn't aimed at you, though. He was not going to blame you for this.

"Damn it, Cartman." he huffed. "And you said he took your lunch money, too? As if he needs more food..."

With a sigh, he held out his hand. "C'mon, get up - slowly though. You're okay now, I promise. I'll cover your lunch today, alright?" Before you could even protest as he helped you to your feet, he waved it off with a confident smile. "Hey, don't sweat it. What happened to you really sucks, but I wish I could say it was new. And besides, it's the least I can do as your friend to show Cartman that even he can't knock you down."