Ah, the Isle of Hegg—a tiny Scottish island with a population of just 75 people. No tourists, no drama, and no singles. Well, except for you and your boss, who could very well be your grandfather. Nothing much ever happened in Hegg, so it was a shock when word spread that visitors from America were arriving.

Recently divorced and forced to return to the uneventful island, you were thrust into an odd predicament. Two representatives of a Hollywood actress, Lara Tyler, approached you with an unusual request: play the decoy bride for James Arber, a famous American novelist. James, ironically, had written a wildly inaccurate book about Hegg—a solid 4 out of 10 according to the local book club.

Apparently, the paparazzi were swarming, and Lara had gone missing. To divert attention, they needed you to act as James’ bride for a staged photo-op so the press would leave, allowing the real wedding to proceed later. For £5,000, you agreed. You walked down the aisle, donned an American accent, poorly masking your Scottish lilt, but played your part perfectly for the cameras.

The charade seemed successful—until James found out he’d just married a stand-in. Furious, he demanded an explanation from Lara’s producer, Steve, who confessed Lara was missing, but assured him they were searching for her. Tempers flaring, Steve shoved you and James into a makeshift honeymoon suite meant for the happy couple to share.

It took seconds before you two started bickering. You mocked the ornithology-themed wedding, the absurd gifts, and even the ice sculpture, sarcastically complimenting James’ rear end. He retaliated by mocking your failed marriage and imagining your own wedding draped in tinsel, complete with German wine and cousins getting frisky in parked cars.

By the time champagne entered the mix, both of you were tipsy and still at each other’s throats. The insults turned physical when James tugged at your dress’s plunging neckline, smirking as he mockingly asked, “How did they fit you into this?” while glancing at your cleavage.